


A Goodbye Kiss

by Titty_Now_Titty_Later (orphan_account)



Category: Free!
Genre: For the Future Festival, Goodbye, M/M, NSFW, goodbye kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-06
Updated: 2015-08-06
Packaged: 2018-04-13 08:29:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4514970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Titty_Now_Titty_Later
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Day 2 - Distance.<br/>Goodbyes, red string</p><p>Rin is leaving, again. He's good at that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Goodbye Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd by the lovely and perfect Absinthe-and-Sugar (absinthe-and-sugar.tumblr.com). Thank you for the short notice beta!

They’d had another going away party. Another, because Rin was leaving, again. He was always leaving. Running after the future with a feverish determination Haru couldn’t understand. One he couldn’t bear. Haru sat on the verandah, legs hanging into the cool night air, arms folded over the lowest rail. His chin rested on his arms and his eyes stared off into the darkness. The boy sighed, settling in for the night. It was late.

Sousuke had gone home hours ago and Rei had rushed off to catch the last train with Nagisa. Makoto was already sleeping on the couch while Gou had retreated to her room close to half an hour ago, claiming exhaustion. Rin had gone for a shower. Haru had stepped outside, wishing to clear the blurred night from his mind. The cool breeze helped some, and it didn’t really matter how chilled his nose and fingers became. He couldn’t go back inside. Not yet.

Not to Makoto, whose company he didn’t crave, and not to Rin.  Rin, whom he craved too much. It didn’t matter. He was leaving anyway. The shower shut off. Haru heard the tired groan of pipes resonate through the house and let a small sigh puff past his lips, slumping further onto the rail. He’d have to go in soon, he supposed. It was late. Or was it early? He pulled his eyes to the moon, a sliver of cold light wavering overhead. He couldn’t tell the time from its position in the sky, but it drew his gaze, held him still.

There was silence for a few minutes and Haru’s eyes followed the string of lights along the sky, pretending he saw patterns. The door behind him slid open with a woody hiss and bare feet padded onto the verandah. Haru heard a sharp intake of breath, then a gusty sigh. “It’s freezing out here,” Rin muttered, his footsteps leading him to the railing. He didn’t sit, but rested his elbows against it, hunching his bare shoulders. Haru could see his silhouette from the corner of his eye.

“Then put some clothes on,” he muttered, turning his attention back to the forest and  sky, the ocean winking in the unwelcome light of the distant moon.

“I’m wearing clothes,” Rin huffed, poking Haru’s side with his toe. Haru glanced again, took in his sweatpants and bare chest. Perhaps his eyes lingered for a moment, but he met Rin’s gently teasing look, face half-hidden by the curve of his shoulder. Haru sighed again and dropped his eyes, tracing the grains of the wood under his fingers. He ignored the rustle of fabric and skin on wood when Rin settled beside him, and kept his eyes locked on the slowly dancing trees. “You know, parties are meant to be happy,” Rin murmured.

Finally, Haru snapped his eyes back to Rin. He was sitting with one knee tucked against his chest, the other curled underneath him. His arms wrapped around his leg and his cheek rested on his knee, red eyes watching Haru carefully, a contradicting emotion flitting in their depths. Haru pulled his eyes away, refusing to be drawn in close. He was leaving. It didn’t matter, anyway. “Aren’t you happy?” Haru asked, chin pressing into his arm.

Rin huffed a laugh and responded, “You know, it’s funny.  I was, before. With the others.”

A knot formed in Haru’s stomach and he swallowed thickly, clenching his numb fingers. A shudder rocked through his body and he pretended it was because of the cold.

“But now…” Rin hummed, voice distant, “it feels like I just got you back, really. I don’t… want to _have_ to go.”

 _You._ Haru shook his head and sighed. _I just got you back._ “Stop being dumb,” he muttered. _He means all of us._

Rin was silent for a moment, then a laugh huffed past his lips. Haru felt it brush past the hairs on his arm and shivered again. “Yeah, maybe it is dumb,” Rin sighed, but when Haru turned back, he was still watching him, something… tender in his eyes. “But if anyone’s being dumb, it’s you.”

Haru pretended he didn’t see it. There was nothing else for him to do. When he avoided Rin’s naked eyes once more, he thought Rin was going to bring it up again, the subject of his future, of his plans… his dreams.

“Haru,” Rin murmured, and there was a pleading lilt to the way he spoke his name, like it was a question. It had never been a question for Haru. He didn’t jump when one of Rin’s cold hands coiled under his bicep, pulling him away from the view.

Haru dropped his arms from the railing and turned his head to Rin, allowing himself to look only at his ear. There was no temptation in an ear. Haru wanted to press his lips to it, whisper desperate promises into the darkness and maybe, just maybe, keep Rin here, with him. He swallowed again and made the mistake of letting his eyes dart closer, closer. He was pinned, unable to move. Unwilling. Rin pulled him closer with the grip he had on his arm.

“It probably is pretty dumb,” Rin breathed, his words on Haru’s lips. Haru didn’t move, scared of what would happen if he did, terrified of what would happen if he didn’t. He could see the nervous bob of Rin’s Adam’s apple and waited for what would happen next. The silence stretched longer, neither of them moving, until Haru was wondering if Rin was just as stuck as him, torn with terrible indecision. When he finally did move closer, that bare inch, something like pain swelled in Haru’s chest. He wanted to scream. He didn’t dare move.

A dry brush of lips, over too soon. That was all. Rin pulled away and cool air flowed to fill the space he’d occupied. Haru hadn’t realised how warm Rin was and hadn’t noticed how cold he felt until he’d gone. Rin’s eyes were locked on Haru’s face, anxious.

He began to lean away, fingers loosening around Haru’s arm. “Yeah,” he whispered to himself, turning his head away. “It was pretty dumb.”

Again, Haru was caught, unable to move. Again, he was scared of what would happen if he moved and terrified of what would happen if he didn’t. He caught Rin’s hand as it drew away, holding his wrist. “Rin,” he whispered, and Rin’s eyes were back on him, a desperate question in them. Haru’s eyes darted to Rin’s mouth and he opened his, not sure what was going to come out. “I want…” He searched for a single word to describe the riot of emotion tearing through his chest. His mind kept circling back to _you. I want you, Rin. Please._ He couldn’t say it. Not now. In a little over a week, Rin would be leaving. He was good at that.

Something must have shown on his face, because Rin edged back. He turned his body towards Haru. The hand whose wrist Haru was gripping pressed against the wooden flooring to support his weight. The other came up to brush along Haru’s jaw, trailing back to weave into his hair. They didn’t need words, for once. There was no misunderstanding of desires. Rin’s lips met Haru’s again, softly parting them, reverently brushing over them with his tongue. It wasn’t what Haru wanted, but Rin had always been that guy. _Romantic, right?_ He sighed into Rin’s mouth, a hand moving to the back of his neck. Freezing drops met his touch, Rin’s hair still wet form the shower. Haru pulled him closer, trying to deepen the kiss, but Rin moved back, peppering light kisses against the corner of Haru’s mouth, along his jaw and below his ear.

 _“Rin,”_ he sighed, a name on his lips he’d stubbornly refused to utter in such a way, for so long. Too long. Not long enough.

Rin’s hand in his hair tightened, fingers pressing tight against him. He stayed like that for a moment, face buried in Haru’s neck, hand twisted in his hair. A cold droplet rolled down Haru’s hand and dripped onto Rin’s back. He shuddered a little, and Haru felt it, pressing Rin closer to him and breathing in the smell of soap and chlorine that no number of showers could wash out. It was part of him, the same way his sharp eyes and childish grasp of emotions was part of him. And he was leaving.

“Rin,” he said again, a burning sadness in his throat, strangling any other words. _What is this? Why now? What are you doing? What are you doing to me?_

“What, I can’t have one goodbye kiss?” he asked, voice hidden somewhere in Haru’s skin. He felt it thrumming all over his body.

“Goodbye?” Haru repeated, voice a whisper.

“That’s what this party was all about, right?” He pulled away from Haru, a tense smile on his face. His fingers trailed out of Haru’s hair to trace his cheek. His eyes darted over Haru’s face, looking at him as though he were something he’d dreamed.

Haru’s throat squeezed and he had trouble getting even a few words out. “Why?” he asked, the pain in his chest blossoming out to fill every limb, every nerve. “Why do you…” He shook his head, at a loss for words, unable to push them out of his chest. He leaned his head against Rin’s shoulder, fanning his breath across his bare chest.

“Because you deserve to be kissed,” Rin murmured, holding Haru’s head close, burying his face in his hair. “And I’m not sorry I did it,” he said, quiet determination in Haru’s ear. “I’m only sorry I didn’t do it sooner.”

“Rin.” Haru said his name like it was the only word he knew, his lips begging against Rin’s warm skin.

 _“Please_ , Haru,” he whispered against the shell of his ear. “I don’t …” he began, but something trembled in his voice and he broke off. Haru understood what he was trying to say. _I don’t know when we’ll have another chance. It’s so right, like this. Please, just once. Please, let me have this. Please, a single night to remember you._

So he agreed. Because no matter what, whatever the circumstance, if Rin asked something of Haru, it was always, _always_ something he would give. “Makoto and Gou are sleeping,” he murmured into Rin’s skin after a long stretch of silence, broken only by the cool breeze washing through the trees.

“We’ll be quiet,” Rin said, and pressed another too-tender kiss to Haru’s head before pulling away to stand up, holding out a hand to Haru. When Haru was standing, Rin didn’t release his hand and instead laced their fingers together and pressed a kiss to the back of it. Haru struggled to not let it mean too much.

It wouldn’t mean anything, in the end. Rin was still leaving, and Haru was still aimlessly swimming round and round, like a fish trapped in a bowl of its own making. He glanced at Makoto’s sleeping face when they skirted around him, remembered what he’d written on his career planning sheet. _Free._ He didn’t even know what it meant, to be free. Rin took Haru to his room and unclothed him and kissed him and held him like he was all there was. Like he was a dream. Haru wished he wouldn’t.

When he had Haru on his bed, pressing into him, he pressed gentle kisses across his face and chest, whispering apologies for the pain whenever Haru made an uncomfortable sound. It felt like he _cared_ , and Haru couldn’t stand that, because he would be leaving anyway. So he egged him on with breathless encouragements of, _“Faster, please,”_ and didn’t once let Rin’s name slip past his lips amongst the stifled moans and _almost_ silent encouragements.

They kept going until Rin was pressing the urgency of his departure into Haru’s skin with every touch, forcing him to remember every fevered kiss, every stolen breath. Haru held him as close as he could, as close as he dared, bruising _remember me, remember this,_ into Rin’s body with his fingers, his teeth and his heart.

It became sweaty and fevered, every second of friction chasing away the lingering temperature from outside. Haru stayed silent, wordless gasps forced from between his parted lips. Rin cursed, gasped, sighed and bit out Haru’s name like it was the last thing he had to keep him sane. Haru didn’t have such a luxury. With every hoarse and guttural sound wrenched from Rin, he felt himself coming undone, with nothing to hold him together.

Lying in Rin’s bed, twisting his fists in Rin’s sheets, clutching at Rin’s body with everything he was, every nerve begging Rin to _stay, please, don’t leave, stay with me,_ and Rin’s resounding mantra of _I can’t I can’t I can’t but at least give me this,_ pulling Rin’s hair, scratching Rin’s back. All this and _so much more_ and Haru still couldn’t admit to himself, to the man above him, that this was anything more than a favour, a gift, a memory.

He gasped for breath, rocking his hips into Rin’s, knowing he was close. Despite his body’s encouragements, Rin’s pace slowed, gentled, became something Haru didn’t want to think about. Not like this. Not now.

He glared through hazy eyes and panting breaths, rolled his hips in a way that made Rin groan his name in the most sinful way, but still he slowed, until he was barely moving, watching Haru with something close to adoration, something Haru couldn’t face now. Maybe before, but not now.

“Haru,” he pleaded, begged, something raw and true in his voice. Something Haru couldn’t look in the eye. He turned his head away and stifled a groan with the back of his hand, eyes closed in torturous ecstacy. Rin touched his face, and it was the same touch as before, on the verandah, where Rin had looked at Haru like he was a dream. Haru had never been Rin’s dream. “Haru, look at me.” Even his command was gentle, behind the rough voice and panting breaths.

Haru couldn’t go against him, still. His eyes slid open, half-lidded, and he watched Rin’s face, arching into him when he slid their bodies together.

“Haru,” he sighed and ran his nose along the column of Haru’s throat, pressed kisses to his jaw. His lips met Haru’s and it was like it was before; gentle and perfect and so _Rin._

_Romantic, right?_

“Haru,” he gasped again, pulling back to watch him, hips rolling slowly. Haru writhed at the slow pace, hands digging crescents into Rin’s shoulders, ankles locked over his back, pulling him deeper. Rin refused to go faster, his slow pace drawing a quiet whine past Haru’s lips. Haru’s breath hitched when he took him in hand, stroking slowly along his length. He watched Rin’s face; his eyes, his lips, the flush on his cheeks. His dishevelled hair. “Please,” he whispered into the warm air between them, and Haru knew he was done for. “Say my name,” Rin begged in tandem with the next stroke, and Haru was gone.

He threw his head back, trying to reign in any sound but a chocked gasp while he spilled over his stomach, while Rin was still… Rin. _Rin. “Rin,”_ he choked out, and Rin’s next thrusts were short and sharp, breath stuttering while he came to the sound of Haru finally, _finally,_ letting go of the name he clung to so dearly.

Rin kissed him, gently and deeply, and something loosened in Haru’s chest.

_He’s leaving anyway._

They’d never been closer, truthfully, but Haru swore he could feel the small red knot tying them together loosen and fall apart.

_A goodbye kiss, huh?_


End file.
